I took my girlfriend to an improv show the other night and during intermission we were passionately arguing over whether half a 5 Hour Energy shot would give you 2.5 hours of energy or 5 hours of half-assed energy so we turned around to ask the opinions of the three people behind us and one of them said “Are all your arguments like this because we heard you in the lobby earlier fighting over the right way to pronounce ‘egg’?”
When people write me/meet me and say: “My DREAM is to be a Disney animator/ character designer, concept artist, etc.- what TIPS do you have to help me reach my dream?” A TIP? To get a position that thousands of people a year try for and miss? A tip to learn all the YEARS of artistic knowledge and practice you need to be able to GET that job, much less KEEP it? I used to give long, impassioned answers on how they need to devote themselves to drawing, learning perspective, study acting, movement, overlapping action, gesture drawings, preparing a good portfolio, and on and on. I would spend TIME with each person crafting an answer that would help them get there (even though I’d not seen a scratch of their artwork, and had no idea what their ability level was)- because it was their DREAM. Then it hit me- this isn’t my problem. This is THEIR problem. I don’t need to give them an answer. They need to answer a question for me first. Now, I answer with a question: “Do you draw everyday?” 99.9% of the time, sadly, the answer is NO. A couple times a week? ”Not usually,” they say. At this point, I tell them my Olympic swimmer analogy. If my DREAM was to make it to the Olympics and win a GOLD MEDAL don’t you think I’d have to get into the pool everyday to get there? There’s your TIP. Draw. Every. Day. Sorry if this comes out bitter. I actually say it with a slight “loving lilt” to my voice, so it sounds friendly-like. And- you kids get off my lawn!
"It a funny thing depression.
Its a disease that has almost no obvious side effects.
Its a disease almost every teenager will develop before they reach adulthood.
Its a disease that can literally make you feel as if you’re dead.
And most of the time you would rather be dead.
Adults act like its not there, family only ever seems to make it worse and you find yourself awake at 3 AM with stolen vodka in your blood system trying to fight the urge to swallow the 50 sleeping pills you’ve kept hidden in your closet.
You walk around school and you watch everyone laughing and enjoying life and you finally understand why that girl killed herself last fall because nothing is worse than feeling alone in a crowded room filled with three thousand teenagers who are happier then you.
Nothing feels worse then standing infront of your mirror the scars so prominat on your arm and the circles around your eyes are so dark that you can’t even find it in you to act like you like what you see
And nothing is fucking worse than looking at photos from your childhood and realizing the care-free little girl you once were has fucking up and disappeared never to be seen again
And its funny because some days you wake up and you don’t want to die,
some days you wake up and you feel every bone in your body
and every mole upon your skin
and the scars on your arm have faded so much there almost invisible
you wake up and you realize just how human you really are
and its fucking amazing because you don’t have to force yourself to drink coffee
and you don’t have to force yourself to take a shower
and laughing is easy, smiling is easy, everything is fucking easy
and then you go to bed and you wake up and you’re back to being numb and you just want to fucking give up
you want to give up because nothing is worse then having 24 blissful hours of happiness only to have them torn from you
Being able to feel again had been such a lovely experience that when the numbness comes back its fucking unbearable
its feels as if a piano has just fallen upon your chest and you can’t fucking breathe
and you try to go back to sleep but you can’t go back to sleep
so you try to get up and you can’t get the fuck up
and you’re in this horrible limbo inbetween heaven in hell and at this point you don’t even care if killing yourself is a sin because you don’t believe in god because if god was real why the fuck would he make you feel so worthless no
god isn’t real
and the world is dead
and I am dead
forever roaming this earth a zombie craving the happiness everyone else pretends to feel
its a funny thing depression
it tears you down and breaks you to pieces
but its also the only thing that wakes you the fuck up and you look around and you realize
you realize there are others who feel the same way you do
who feel too big and too small and too noticeable and too invisible
who would rather die then present a project
who would rather die then tell there parents they love someone of the same gender
who would rather die then admit they need help
and no this isn’t just some teenage hormones
and no i’m not just being dramatic
and no this isn’t something that can be fixed by a relationship or a good cry
because depression isn’t sadness
its a chemical imbalance in your brain
that makes you feel nothing and everything
and its exhausting
living has become exhausting
depression is a funny thing
until its not"
"It was exciting and just a major, major compliment…I was happy for all the girls who would see me on [it] and feel a little more seen." - Lupita Nyong’o on being named People Magazine’s Most Beautiful